Tuesday, June 21
Tandem Writing...
It was a beautiful day to get married .White clouds, blue sky , a beautiful bride in pink, what more could Micheal want.He was excited at the prospect of starting his life afresh in the Nakhichevan Autonomic Republic province of Azerbaijan. Earlier that week,he had been appointed as Chief Engineer for a leading Oil Company aptly named Black Gold.His bride Julia and his 2 year old Irish Wolf hound, Bruno, were looking forward to the overseas trip. But little did they know that they would be....
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divorced within a month because his Irish wolf dog Bruno was facing compatibility problems with Julia's St. Bernard Moo. While Bruno loved the lamp-posts, Moo preferred the fire hydrants...
But little did Bruno know that Moo was infact an alien centipede in disguise as a St Bernard...
but for the occassional hunch it had for Moo would always crawl on all four and forever try and bury himself in the earth. Bruno however had other plans to...
Hello...moo is supposed to be a female St. Bernard. Story ki vaat laga di. Anyway, Bruno had plans to ditch Michael and make it big in Hollywood as the star performer in the hit movie "Every dog has his day" part 85 (ooh I don't know roman for 85). Moo wanted to follow suit but got rejected during the audition because of her affinity to fire hydrants. Julia could not understand Moo's mood swings... was she in heat or was she fuming at Bruno's success....
Hello FYI between Wednesday, June 22, 2005 8:44:24 AM and Wednesday, June 22, 2005 11:45:09 AM ... Moo had a *** operation and is now a he. Didn't you read the script .Duh!!
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Neither. Moo was an alien with a tail remember ..She I mean He ...what the ***** . Moo was jealous of Bruno's tail.So 'it' made plans to 'TAKE OVER THE WORLD' but was killed when she (or was it a he )tried to do a triple somersault on the 4th cross, 7th main, fire hydrant.
Meanwhile in a small village called Gurdaspur,right next to Surmabhopali Nagar, our local hero Hiralal who worked as an astrologer during the weekdays and as a scientist during the weekends, made a startling discovery, one that would change the way people looked at Dogs.He found that ...
he found that if people put drops of cotton seed oil (Marketed by Black Gold) in their eyes, they could see the true form of their dogs: whether they were real canines or aliens masquerading as St. Bernards and Cocker Spaniels plotting to seize the world.
Hiralal confided in Michael, who happened to be his partner in the practical lab sessions at school, and told him all about his discovery. Michael decided to verify if his old chum's sensational discovery held any oil, i mean, water. He was flabbergasted to discover that Moo was in fact an alien in disguise. He did not want to confront Julia about it and tried to cajole her into abandoning Moo citing incompatibilty problems with Bruno. But that only enraged Julia and she called her advocate to file a divorce. Michael flew into a rage and was scheming to bounce off Moo at the very next opportunity...
Little did snub nosed Michael realize that 6-fingered Hiralal was in cahoots with the Russians. It all happened when Hiralal got his tricycle on his 6th birthday. The BSA Hunter Hawk 456 z 2 tricycle was gifted to him by his Russia returned Uncle BHT. He and his uncle spent most of their evenings discussing Astrophysics and the discussion would always end with the Russian Princess Maria Sherapova's beauty. Hiralal was determined to meet this princess even if he had to cut off his 6th finger and eat his aunt’s dinner.His uncle BHT was an ink bottle smuggler and would smuggle pink ink into Siberia. One day his dying uncle called his nephew aside and told him the family secret ...
The director yelled "Cut. Abe Ghounchu yeh kya ho raha hai? Yeh scene toh script mein hai hi nahi!" Incidentally Hiralal's cotton seed oil patent earned him a fortune and he was about to fulfil his long nurtured dream of making a Bollywood flick and starring in it. He was fascinated by Aladdin's tails (no no tales) and Arabian knights (no no nights). Despite the fact that Chunnilal (Michael's Indian name) had written the script after refining it a zillion times, the director had other plans. Director Ram Gopal Surma wanted to make a spooky film called Bhootni ke Baal and simply tried to shoot down Hiralal's phillum ideas down the drain. So every time Hira got into the Aladdin costume, Surma told the make up artist to blacken his face and make him wear red lenses. Hiralal was livid at his director's obstinacy and was plotting with Chunnilal aka Michael to snuff out his life...
But as we all know even the best laid plans can go awry. Poor Hiralal ate 3 and a half, pani puris and had a bout of dysentery .He was admitted to the nearby Apollo hospital, where nurse Stella, gave him a large dosage of morphine and inspite of the doctor’s warning ,gave him a cold sponge bath. Hiralal died even before he could call his lawyer. Michael who could not live without his best friend and his hair dryer was filled with grief. He sold all his Reliance shares ( 23000 shares) and decided to quit India and move to Phuket.He booked 2 tickets on the 2 .30 pm Kingfisher Airlines .The other ticket was for ……
was for Stella the nurse. She had finally done what he himself could not do in 20 long years. Despite the outer facade of camraderie Michael aka Chunnilal was always jealous of Hiralal. He was the one who stole the pedal of Hiralal's tricycle before it was sold at Sotheby's for 3 million euro(hey they did not have euros then did they...nevermind I did the currency conversion for u). Hiralal, who made a fortune, telling other's fortune on weekdays and changing the fortune of science on weekends, had become a constant source of envy for Michael. Michael always believed that it had something to do with Hiralal's sixth finger, but all his attempts to amputate it were thwarted by Hiralal's faithful hamster. When Michael heard that Hira was planning to make a movie, he knew that this was a golden opportunity to cut that vicious finger. He would get Surma to rake up a fight with Hiralal who was fond of fencing. Then Surma would slice it off in one quick stroke. But then, Hiralal instead ordered pani puris in which he planned to put Ghode ki julaab ki goli. Fortunately for Michael Hiralal was so tempted by the mouth watering golguppe that he ate them himself...
Michael and Stella moved to Thailand and for 2 long hours nothing happened, until he checked his Yahoo mail . He had won 3 days and 2 nights free stay at Mr. Pinto’s Bar and Restaurant , a 3 star Hotel in Goa. They didn’t have to pack because they never opened their suitcases.. So 8 hours later they meet Mr. Pinto , a fat bald Portuguese dude with a Punjabi accent. Stella is spellbound by the scenic beauty of the Arabian Sea. She decides to divorce Michael and becomes a hippy.Micheal is now on his own and for the first time in his life he has to make decisions . He decides to visit his Grandma Fatima Noorjahan , who owns a cheese farm in Geneva , Switzerland..
Inspired by all the cheese that he saw around him, Michael decided that the next career option for him was hamster races. After Hiralal's death, the loyal hamster had been orphaned for no real fault of his. He also roped in Surma to popularize the hamster races through telemarketing, BPOs, and ad-films. Julia, who had exhausted the alimony from Michael's divorce, decided to join the BPO but did not know that Michael aka Chunnilal was the owner. Will the two lovers meet again?...
Ofcourse yes. It was Friday the 13th ,the Management had planned to host the TGIF party and it was mandatory for all the employees to attend the party.As Stella entered the main hall, she recognised the song " kajra re kajra re tere kare kare naina "being played over the 100 watt speakers,and then she saw him.He was drinking coconut soaked Vodka.He was Stella's PM .Stella went over and handed over the weekly reports.The PM dude threw the file on the table and ordered Chicken Kabab's. Stella was all alone.She thought she heard someone call out her name...she turned..
(Grr I didn't know DJ aka my bro was in this scandal and wears a wig!!) DJ pulls off his own mask in Mask style (or was it MI1) and he is Inspector Ashok of IIFA ( Insane Inspector for Animals). He takes out his handcuffs to imprison Pataudi for the hamster race and for bumping Moo when ...
Bella removes her mask !! its Oh God ! Angelina Jolie. Angie ( as I call her ) winks at Stella.Stella gives her a knowing smile and pulls off her mask..Holy Molly she's Margaret Thatcher. People gasp,scream, pray and women fall down unconscious.Enter our very own HOH(handfulofhell.blogspot.com)sprays everyone with bullets from his AK47( which he calls Dinku for some unknown insane reason).He makes sure everyone and I MEAN everyone from Bruno to the lizard on the ceiling is dead, he then goes around collecting their visiting cards.No one believe me NO ONE could have survived this slaughter.Hoh then decides to burn the Building, wiping out every trace of evidence .Alas little did Hoh know that the sip of Badam Milk he had 4 years ago was poisoned by Angie. He died before he could dial " M " for Murder.
The END.
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I would like to thank each of the participants from HOH to the lovely miss hokey-pokey and Miss Kirthi for writing what was one of the best stories ever written on my blog.
I really enjoyed the story and would have loved to continue with it..alas..somethings are not meant to be.
As the Oracle says :Everything that has a beginning has an end. I see the end coming, I see the darkness spreading. I see death... and you are all that stands in his way. If you cannot stop him tonight, then I fear tomorrow will never come.
I always wanted to start a tandem story and this was one occasion I capitalised on.(Hoh : You,are the Hero , tell me,my young friend, what's the milage that you get of your Pulsar?)
Vc signs off.. Peace and Fun for those who dare.
My pulsar drinks a litre of fuel for every 40 - 50 kms of tarmac that he devours. Funny how when driven fast the distance he goes is 40 and when cantering he travels 50... "Speed Slows" :)
He is a 180, btw
The tandem writing concept was indeed creative VC. We should have a serious blog devoted to it. What say you?
Sure Dude .. I'm in and i swear I'll try to make it as realistic as I can.
PS: thanks about the 180 cc thing... won a bet :)
Heck I wanted this to be a saas ki badboo fight!! Grr u truncated it :( I want another tandem story and this time a cogent one! hey let's do it!
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